Residerp Evil: Operation Raccoon City
by StarryNights17
Summary: Just some stupidity thrown into RE: ORC. I hate writing serious RE fanfics! Anyway, enjoy the stupid crap from mah brain. :F. Wolf Pack POV.
1. Chapter 1

LE AFTER LE SPEC OPS CRAP

"Hai!"said Hunk, incredibly cheery for someone like him in a situation like this.

"What the heck?"screamed Vector, backing away into a little zombie girl.

"Weh!"said the zombie girl.

"DIIIIEEEE!"screamed Vector, blasting the little zombie girl's head off with a shotgun. "Hey!"said the zombie girl's mom."You just killed my daughter!"

Beltway shrugged."Your fault. You're bad at parenting, Vector here was just doing his job!"

The zombie mom pulled out her phone."I'm calling the police."

Lupo slapped the phone out of her hand."NO! They'll send some of those spec ops here to kill us!"

"What are spec ops?"asked Four Eyes.

"You'll find out when we make some PROGRESS!"

"EEY! Progress. Wait are they those soldiers from earlier?"

"Yeah."

"I don't care if spec ops cone kill you, you deserve it,"said Zombie mom.

Bertha walked up to the zombie."If you call spec ops, they'll kill you too."

"Oooooh,"said the zombie mom, who then barfed on Spectre.

"HEY!"said Spectre, crossing his arms like a pouting child. He then barfed on the zombie mom. "Bad Spectre!"said Bertha, smacking him over the head.

"She barfed on me first!" While Spectre and Bertha argued, Vector forgot about the spec ops coming and pulled out his phone. He began playing Hollywood Undead.

"Hey!"said zombie mom."Thats not appropriate for my daughter to hear!"

Four Eyes looked confused."Your daughter's dead."

"You should shop at walmart!"said zombie mom randomly."They sell clean albums and cute clothes."

"One,"said Beltway,"I don't wanna listen to clean versions. I hate the version of Eminem that soccer moms like you let their kids listen to. Ugh, disgusting."

The zombie mom held her heart."That hurt, man!"

"This'll hurt even more!"screamed Bertha, who tossed Spectre at the zombie mom.

"And two, they don't sell cute clothes,"said Four Eyes with disgust."You look like you shop there."

"Um, hello! Yeah this is Hunk. We need to leave now,"said Hunk.

"OH YEAAAAHHHHH,"said everyone. The zombie mom waved goodbye and told the girls on the team to call her.

"We don't have her phone number anyways,"said Bertha.

"Ssshh! Don't make her GIVE us her number! We're not calling a ZOMBIE! Jeez you're immature,"snapped Lupo.

"You're no fun,"whined Four Eyes, crossing her arms.

"Cry a river! Let's GO!"ordered Hunk. He pointed the team into an elevator.

"OOH! I wanna push the button!"Lupo said excitedly.

"And WE'RE immature?"asked Beltway.

After many unsuccessful button pushes, Lupo finally pushed the correct one.

"Took you long enough!"complained Vector.

"Don't whine,"said Four Eyes.

"Love in an elevator,"sang Spectre.

"Shut your trap, Goggles!"Bertha said, shoving him down on the ground and kicking him. "Owwie!"he whined in his Russian accent.

"Haha Russian accents,"said Beltway.

"It's not even funny, stupid,"said Bertha in a deadpan voice. She turned her head and saw this magical poster of a cat that said "Hang in there baby!" on it hanging from the elevator wall. Bertha laughed.

"That isn't funny either!"snapped Beltway.

"Yea it is!" "Neither of those things are funny,"said Hunk."This is!"

Hunk got out his phone and showed everybody a video of Jake from Adventure Time and a bug dancing to some weird music. Everyone laughed at that because it actually is funny, and then the elevator stopped.

"Okay, guys. Imma go take some viruses from that Birkin guy, so yeah. Cover me."

"What the heck do you mean by that?"asked Vector, but Hunk was already gone. He walked into a room where Birkin apparently was at.

"Ok, so yeah, Birkin. I like totally need that virus sample."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"I dunno."

"You can't have that virus."

"BUT I WAAAAAAANNNNTTTT IT!"

"No! Imma inject myself!"

"Crap!"said Hunk. Meanwhile, the rest of the USS was derping around.

"Hey look, Spec Ops!"announced Lupo.

"Lupo, shut up! They'll hear us!"

The spec ops' leader rolled his eyes

."We heard you walk in, stupids! You sound like a herd of elephants."

Bertha looked offended."I take offense to that!" She took the spec op's head off in a clean sweep of her knife. "Anyone else wanna try me?"

The other three spec ops killed theirselves. Then, a roaring sound was heard.

"Is that like, a lion or something?"asked Vector.

"Dude, no!"snapped Beltway."It's obviously a TIGER!"

Spectre joined the stupid and pointless conversation. "Hai, it's actually a polar bear!"

Bertha pimp slapped him."No. It is not. Get going, Spectre!"

"Why me?"he whined, trying to make a puppydog face at Bertha.

"Um, yeah you're wearing a mask, and you're the expendable one."

Four Eyes started singing Diamond Eyes by Shinedown. "Everyone of us is expendable! Boom lay, boom lay boo-" Vector slapped a hand over Four Eye's mouth, already covered by a mask. "Okay, go!" Bertha pushed Spectre forward.

"RAAAAAAAWWR!"said G-Birkin.

"Lol, he loves us!"said Beltway.

"You're stupid,"said Vector. G-Birkin began smashing a large metal thingie into Spectre's stomach.

"Owwie!"

"Russian accent,"said Beltway.

"Why's he so mad?"asked Four Eyes.

"Oh, I know!"said Vector, happy to tell a story.

*+*+*LE FLASHBACK*+*+*

"Okay,"said the car dealership guy.

"Heya William Birkin!"said Hunk, holding a check for four million dollars.

"We're buying a car!"said Beltway.

"I have no money, can you guys buy me a car?"asked Birkin.

"No,"said Vector.

"Whyyyyy?"

"We don't wanna!"

Birkin pouted and pulled out his virus. "Hmph!" He stabbed it into his neck, and turned even uglier(With the eyeball thingie on his arm)

"Hey baby I want that car, hey baby I really want that car!"said the eyeball(like on that car commercial from the superbowl)

"Sorry, we're not buying that car for you!"

*+*+*+*Le End*+*+*+*+*

"Okay, so that's what we did to tick him off,"said Four Eyes.

"Yeah, now he's gonna kill us!" They were trapped until the door opened.

"Shoot him in the eye!"

"Hey baby i STILL want that car,"said the eyeball.

"Shaddup!"snapped Lupo, using her assault rifle. The door opened.

"I wanna get those keys and GOOOOOOOOO, Oh oh oh! WOO!"

"Rendezvous with Hunk,"said a random British accent.

"WHO SAID THAT?"said Spectre, spazzing out and running in circles.

"The USS captain. Rendezvous with Hunk. NOW."

"Say please!"

"...please."

"OKAY!"


	2. Chapter 2

So, Wolfpack was supposed to rendezvous with that Hunk dude, and after much drama due to Spectre insisting that the USS captain had to tell him please, and they finally found another room that had fire and smoke shooting out of the walls,

"I hate this room,"said Spectre. "It smells really bad."

"Do you hate your room, too?"asked Bertha, gritting her teeth, trying not to bodily harm Spectre.

"Of course not Bertha! My room smells like roses and dirt!"

Four Eyes, the only member of Wolfpack who was obsessed with karaoke, got the trollface and opened her mouth to begin singing "Dirt and Roses" by Rise Against, but Vector slapped his hand over her mouth and gas mask. Four Eyes pouted and then a bullet came flying out of nowhere and hit Lupo in the face.

"Can I sing now?"asked Four Eyes, getting ready to sing "From Out of Nowhere" by Five Finger Death Punch or also Faith No More.

"NO!"said Lupo, recovering from the bullet and getting the 'no' rage comic face.

"SPEC OPS!"screamed Spectre, hiding behind Bertha and crying like a baby.

"Stop whining you dirt child!"snapped Bertha, pushing Spectre forward into the army of Spec Ops that came out of absolutely nowhere.

"DIIIEEEE!"screamed Spectre, thinking he was hitting the soldiers but in reality he was just blasting away at the wall.

"This is supposed to be Umbrella's finest?"asked one spec op, in awe at Spectre's dumbness.

"I guess Umbrella was really desperate, huh?"said another.

After that short conversation, Vector came up behind the Spec Ops, and cut both their heads off at once.

"Nice nartzing!"said Spectre, after taking a break from trying to assassinate the wall.

Everyone, even the spec Ops, stopped and stared in awe at his weirdness.

"...Nartzing?"asked Lupo. "What does that even mean?"

"Uhhhuhhuhh,"said Spectre, which is Spectre-nese for I don't know.

Two cakes came out of nowhere, smacking one spec op in the face.

"Lupo! Stop giving them cakes!"said Beltway.

"I'm not GIVING them cakes, I'm assaulting them with cakes!"she cheered, tossing another cake at the spec Ops.

"FREE CAKE! FREE CAKE!"said the spec ops that were remaining, two of which were Mordecai and Rigby for about five seconds, then turned back to normal. Finally all the spec ops just randomly died because of Four Eye's beautiful and shiny hair.(Do not ask, the spec ops love Four Eyes hair for some reason.)

"Go to the door over there,"ordered Lupo.

"Gladlaayyyy,"said Beltway, running in his very slow way over to the door that Birkin so obviously breaks through.(If you have ever seen the episode of the Middle where Sue renames herself Suki, you get it.)

After a few minutes of absolutely nothing happening, Lupo reached a decision.

"Spectre! It only works if you walk over there!"she said like she knew everthing.

"Why me?"pleaded Spectre. "I never got to tell Bertha I...i..."

"YOU WHAT, YOU LITTLE IDIOT?"Screamed Bertha with a raised fist.

"I love Bertha!"

Everyone sighed. "WE KNOW. You tell us on a daily basis that you love Bertha."

"So, since we know that already, you can go now."

"But why?"

"Because you're player one,"said Lupo. "AND DON'T ASK WHY!"

"Stupid player one!"screamed Spectre, being pushed by Bertha into the door.

"RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRR!"rawr-ed Birkin.

"Hey guys! Know what I just noticed?"asked Spectre, turning around, being oblivious to the hideous thing behind him.

"What?"asked Four Eyes, who along with the rest of the team, was looking really scared.

"That ugly Birkin guy sounds like a wookie, y'know, off Star Wars?"

"Spectre! Behind you–!"

SMACK! Birkin began beating Spectre's stomach again.

"SPECTRE! GET UP!"screamed Bertha. Spectre managed to get up, but he just got blown back again by the eyeball's singing.

"Hey baby I want that car! Hey baby I really want that car!"

"Not that again! Ugh I hate people who randomly start singing for no reason,"complained Four Eyes.

"You do it all the time!"said Vector.

"So you want to break up with me?"asked Four Eyes.

"What? No? Why would you think that...?"(I'm referencing Victorious)

"BECAUSE, I am supposed to be the smart one here!"

"Hey guys, we should shoot that singing eyeball in the face!"suggested Hunk, who randomly appeared out of nowhere.

"Gonna get those keys and go, oh oh oh oh, woo!"

Lupo started jumping up and down like an idiot, while her team stared at her.

"What is with you?"asked Spectre, who was randomly eating a Kit Kat.

"I just now thought of something!"

"What is it?"

"Beltway's secret weapon!"

"Beltway has a secret weapon?"asked Bertha.

"Yeah,"said Spectre, like he knew. "It's a narwhal."

"You're an idiot!"snapped Bertha.

"He's actually right,"said Beltway, throwing a grenade like a Pokeball. "I choose you Bob!"

"Bob?"(It's Lupo saying this, by the way.)

"Bob."

"Bob?"

"Bob."

"Hey Bob I want that car!"

"Shut the weesnaw up!"said Hunk.

"What does weesnaw even MEAN?"asked Bob.

"Bob talks!"said Lupo.

Okay, then something really stupid happened. You may or may not know that Four Eye's second favorite thing after science is karaoke, right? WELL, somebody on the team's secret passion is parodying songs. That person's name is Bertha. That's right, Miss Serious Pants loves parodies.

"Bob, taaaaaaalks! But so do I, so do IIII!"(She is making fun of one of the best songs ever, Love Bites by Halestorm)

"I didn't know Bertha was into rock music!"said Four Eyes.

"I did!"Spectre announced proudly. Like anyone cares.

"Because you stalk her,"said Bob the talking narwhal.

"How would you know?"asked Vector.

"Bob the Narwhal knows all, sees all. You cannot escape all that is...Bob."

After about three minutes of nervous glances to one another, Vector nodded at Four Eyes, who then shot and killed Bob.

Bob's parting words were, "You will pay for this Christine Yamata! You will PAAAAYYY!"

The eyeball started singing again. "Get those keys and go!"

Birkin smacked the entire Wolfpack back into a door, which obviously said to open right on it. With an Umbrella shaped sticky note, actually.

"Hey look! A door!"Said Hunk.

"How are we supposed to open it?"shouted 'the Smart One.'

"I dunno, fire?"asked Spectre.

"Ooh, I got it! We go all Mythbusters on it and BLOW IT UP!"shouted Beltway.

"No guys! Wait!" screamed Four Eyes. After around 30 seconds of the team and Birkin staring thoughtfully at the door, Birkin snapped his deformed and gross fingers.

"I got it! You're supposed to open it! Like, normally!"

"Oh!"

"Yeah, that makes much more sense!"

"Waffles!"

"Way easier than blowing it up!"

"Obviously."

"That's incredibly easy and stupid!"

"Hey baby I want that car!"

"Hold off Birkin until the door opens!"the USS captain guy(The British one) randomly interrupted.

"Kill the eyeball!"shouted Hunk. "It stops the horrifying singing!"

SO, while the door opened INCREDIBLY SLOWLY, they kept shooting at that annoying and stupid eyeball.

"Hey baby I want that.."

"SHUT UP! NOBODY IS GOING TO BUY YOU A CAR, SO SHUT UP!"screamed Vector.

Tears began falling out of Birkin's eyeball shoulder. "Fine, if that's how you feel about me!"

The door FINALLY opened. The wolfpack scrambled into the door like a bunch of idiots.

"WAAAIT, a minute. I forgot the virus sample! Stupid stupid stupid!"Said Hunk while smacking himself in the face.

After Hunk left, to go get the virus or whatever, nobody knew what to do.

"I bet he's gonna die,"said Beltway.

"That's a nice thing to think,"said Lupo, sarcastically.

Four Eyes looked like she was gonna explode or something. Her face was really red.

"What's your problem?"asked Vector.

"I've been needing to say this since Hunk first left!"she said.

"What is it Christine? TELLMEHTELLMEHTELLMEH!"

"...Waaaiiit, I'm coming undone! Iraaaate, I'm coming undone! Too laaaate, I'm coming undone! What looks, so strong, so delicate!"

"...I oughta slap you, Four Eyes."

"Or you could buy Spectre some candy!"suggested Spectre.

"Don't refer to yourself in the third person, it makes you sound stupid. Don't sound stupid, please,"said Bertha, for once not threatening, name calling, punching, or sounding angry.

"What's up with you, Michaela? Not being a total jerk."

"Nothing is wrong with me! Shut up Vladimir!"

"Woah, not even calling me Goggles or even my super spy name."

"You're not a 'super spy' Spectre!"she snapped, but her face was visibly red, even underneath the mask.

"Bertha likes Spectre! Michaela likes Vladimir!"sang Spectre.

Lupo and Beltway looked at each other.

"We should leave,"suggested Beltway.

"Yeah...okay team! Time for the next part of this mission!"

"Say pleeeee-"

"No! JUST GO SPECTRE!"

"Okay,"he said, getting the 'okay' rage comic face.

THE ENDZ! Well, for now.

A/N: I put more references in this chapter, huh? At least the one review I got was nice. I actually put some -shiver- ROMANCE in here! After all that talk on Sodahead about hating romance...oh who am I kidding, the notes on my iPod are full of more romance one shots than this fic will EVER GET. Ever. I support Bertha/Spectre, Four Eyes/Vector, and Beltway/Lupo. I have one RE oc! Her name is Mariana Reeves, the double agent for the Echo Six and also the Wolfpack. She plays as a love interest for Hunk and Dee-Ay. I love Dee-Ay as much as he likes Pork Cows!(Do NOT ask, I may post the fic behind that sentence tomorrow.)

Enjoyed? REVIEW. PLEASE. As Spectre had requested me to say...

(PS-I make Spectre a derp because he is the character I, a fellow derp, always play as. I make Bertha a jerk because it just has to be that way, and is obsessed with parodying songs because it has to be that way. And I love to parody songs while playing games. Four Eyes loves to sing randomly because SO DO I. Vector is quiet because he reminds me of, please don't hit me...Fluttershy off MLP. DO NOT ASK WHY. Beltway likes memes like narwhals because I do. Lupo is just, well, Lupo. She hardly has any of my weird personality in hers.)


	3. Chapter 3

"WHY?" Spectre whined, irritated that the USS crew was being forced to change their objectives, and their tactics.

"What. Did. I. Tell. You?"snapped Lupo, clearly unhappy with having to tell the team's idiot(I mean surveillance!)for about the millionth time to NOT ASK WHY.

"Because that's what Mr. British Voice told us to do!"

"Good boy!"said Bertha, mockingly. She patted him on the head, with an invisible disgusted look under her gas mask.

"Hey Lupo,"Four Eyes randomly said. "Is it true you really strangled your ex-husband? Because that's insanely awesome!"

Lupo nodded. She looked down at her fingernails."Oh, it was nothing special."

Spectre backed away from Lupo into Beltway.

"That's right, Beltway! Run away from her while you still can! She's like a black widow! She kills her lovers, she even eats their corpses!"

"I do NOT eat people, you weirdo! My ex happens to be buried at that graveyard downtown!"

"Lupo is the Strangler off Spongebob! Run for the base! RUN!"he shouted, running around in circles, flailing both his arms and the assault rifle in them. Bertha got out a jar of Nutella and waved it around.

"You can have ONE SPOONFUL of this here Nutella if you calm down and apologize to Wolf Mother."

Spectre jumped up in the air in an attempt to get the jarred weirdness in Bertha's hand. She smacked him down.

"Apologize to Lupo and you can have a spoonful."

Spectre crossed his arms like a whining toddler. "Sorry Wolf Mother."

Bertha sighed and scooped a spoonful of that weird Nutella and gave it to Spectre. He shoved it into his mask and randomly pulled out a notebook. The notebook had pink hearts and fancy cursive words on it.

"What IS that?"asked Bertha.

"Day 0 of the 13th month; Bertha gave me ONE SPOONFUL of Nutella. It was so amazing and I only got it because I had to apologize to Lupo for a REALLY stupid reason."

"WHAT is THAT?"screamed Bertha, fist raised at Spectre.

"OHHHH. It is my Love Story Diary, about you and me. I got the idea from the Vampire Diaries."

"We are not like the Vampire Diaries, you idiot!"

(Keep in mind these conversations are all happening as they walk through the Raccoon City Hall.)

"Hey, earth to Bertha and Spectre! That next room is full of zombies for us to kill!"shouted Vector.

"WELL, if Four Eyes does not walk near that door, then the zombies won't come out."

"What difference does THAT make?"

"She is Player One today,"Bertha said, annoyed at Spectre.

Meanwhile, Four Eyes was shooting at what her teammates assumed was nothing.

"Hey Four Eyes,"said Lupo, tapping her shoulder. "What are you actually shooting at?"

"Security cameras!"she chirped. "They give us 50 xp and they're everywhere!"

"...Open the door."

Four Eyes pouted and did as she was told. Sure enough, hoards of the disgusting things came rushing out at them.

"OMG WE LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER!"they said.

"Those aren't zombies! NOT ZOMBIES!"shouted Beltway, being dragged into the crowd.

"HANDS OFF!"screamed Lupo, diving face-first into the fangirls. The rest of the USS just watched in awe at Lupo make annoying little teenagers into bloody smears on the ground. She dragged a traumatized Beltway back to the rest of the team.

"Never happened, never never, never happened..."he whispered while shivering.

"Let's move,"suggested Vector. "Beltway needs to kill some zombies to get his mind off the hideous things."

"YOU'RE NOT THE LEADER!"shouted Lupo. "I suggest we get a move on. Beltway needs to forget about that traumatic experience."

"That is what I JUST SAID!"

"Well, it doesn't matter because you're not the leader. You might think you are, but you aren't."

The team found another room full of zombies and Spec Ops, finally finding the spiffy room full of un-escapable Spec Ops. The one with the fancy stairs and million doors that are ALL LOCKED and look EXACTLY THE SAME.

"LET"S GO!"screamed Four Eyes, leaping over the others. The others were actually just running into walls.

About forty million gunshots later, she returned.

"Don't go in there!"

"Actually,"said Bertha. "Spectre's player one now, so that wasn't Spec Ops, it was just you shooting at yourself."

"WOOPS!"she said, knocking over a random wagon full of sardines like on Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.

"Where did that even come from?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

Spectre slowly walked into the room, and sure enough about 7 spec ops appeared.

"Why do they only come whenever it's me?"

"Maybe it's the fact that you think steak sauce is cologne?"Bertha said.

"Noope, that's not it."

Spectre almost got shot. So he ran back inside that room before that one, and his teammates ran along into the room. Like the idiots they are.

Spectre sat there in the corner, terrified of the Spec Ops.

"Hey Bertha, can I have some more Nutella?"

No response.

"Bertha? Four Eyes? Beltway?"

Nobody responded.

Spectre peeked his face into the room. One Spec Op remained in the room, and his team was passed out on the floor. The final spec op shot at Spectre while his health turned to a red bar.

"Need some green spray, need some green spray!"

Spectre casually strolled along to find a green herb of some sort.

When all of a sudden, Bob the talking narwhal appeared with an entire army of zombies bursting through three doors.

"Seek Christine Yamata!"he shouted.

"She's dead."

"Oh. Well, seek that guy!"

Spectre scampered away, humming Bertha's parody of Bob Talks by Berthastorm. He finally found a table in a corner with a green herb sitting on it.

"Green plant thingeh!"he shouted. He stared at it thoughtfully.

"What does it do? How am I supposed to use this thing?"

He shoved it in his ear. Nothing happened. He rubbed it on his butt, nothing. Finally he figured out that you are supposed to EAT the herb.

"OMNOMOMNOMOMNOMOMNOM."

Finally, after much nomming on the green herb, his health was completely refilled. He found his way back to that room, and there was Bob and his army waiting for him.

"Prepare to die!"

Spectre held up his hands. "Wait! We can figure something out!"

Meanwhile, the Spec Op in the room next to him had wide eyes and called his Master.

"DeeAy, the Narwhal zombie thing is back!"

"Just kill it!"

"OKAAAAYYYY!"

Spectre and Bob finally reached an agreement. Spectre shot the Spec Op one time, making large amounts of his blood pour out onto the ground.

"DeeAy! I'm injured! Tell Tweed I love her!"

"Yeah, about that...Tweed is with another randomly generated Spec Op already and she hates you. Wait what's your name again?"

Bob pointed his magical narwhal horn at the Spec Op and the zombies attacked him. The Spec Op finally just got scared and ran off like a baby.

"Great job!"said Spectre. "Now, your turn to die."

"Mutiny! You are a horrible person Spectre!"

"Yeah, thanks. You weren't really my ally anyway."

Spectre stabbed Bob and his army, leaving him alone. He revived his team, saving Bertha for last. Each time, he said "Looks like I'll have to keep a closer eye on you."

Bertha gave Spectre a hug. "Thank you."

"Gotta write about this!"

Bertha rolled her eyes and slapped him.

"Let's go destroy some evidence!"shouted Beltway.

"YEAH!"

A/N: I'm so sorry I lied to you guys about updating within a week! My cousins from Texas were here, so I couldn't replay the game and write. I also got pre-occupied with playing and beating Call of Duty MW3. That was the saddest thing I ever was forced to watch! "Objective Completed."What a bunch of heartless jerks! Anyways, I beat ORC recently, and I didn't kill Leurn. I had to kill Bertha and Spectre, while I played as Four Eyes and joined Vector. Spectre and Bertha died next to each other. I said, "AWWW!" but then realized I beat that game! OH, and I am sorry about the lie about Nicholai and Reese's. I was a little confused on that part of the story, I thought it happened after last chapter! NEXT TIME I promise that will be in it! And thank the few kind souls who reviewed for reviewing! I will continue to make Bertha parody songs since one of my readers liked her Bob Talks song! Hope you liked this, please review!

~Starry3


	4. Chapter 4

The team wondered along until they found a small room, where they came face to face with some random Russian blonde dude.

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?"cried Spectre,

"I am Nicholai Ginovaef!"

"WHO?"

"Nicholai Ginovaef."

"WHO?"

"...Nicholai. Ginovaef. UBCS person thing."

"WHO?"

If you have ever read my FanFic Tobi is Annoying, you know what this means.)

"HE IS NICHOLAI GINOVAEF SPECTRE SHUT UP!"

Spectre cowered in a corner.

"Stay out of our way,"snapped Bertha.

"Fine. You are bad at your job."

So Nicholai left.

The USS Crew skipped up to that room where the security feed is.

"Hey look! iCarly's on the monitor!"cheered Vector.

"No!"shouted the USS captain, which Spectre named Mr British Voice. "You have to access the security and..."

"Blah blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH,"mocked Four Eyes. "We KNOW WHAT TO DO."

Spectre was pushed into the computer monitors. One security feed was from earlier at the Umbrella lab, that room before Birkin and his singing eyeball with the white couch and Umbrella logo. The Wolfpack somehow had a party off screen with Hunk.

"You are a horrible dancer,"laughed Vector, poking Four Eyes in the ribs.

"You're no ballerina either!"

Four Eyes and Vector began arguing while Spectre changed the signal to the OTHER security room. You'll never guess who was in there; Nicholai and his team. He shot one with a water gun in the face and he fell over. Another climbed up onto a cabinet as zombies came out of nowhere. A zombie pantsed him trying to pull him off. Nicholai laughed maniacally.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! You guys will now never get my Reese's!"

"He left his team to die. In a room filled with zombies. For Reese's?"asked Beltway.

"You came from out of nowhere! My glance turns to a stare!"sang Four Eyes.

"I don't understand is Nicholai a good guy or a bad guy?"asked Spectre. (I am wondering this myself)

"I think he's a bad guy."

The team found their way to the room that was on the screen. Nicholai's team was dead on the ground.

"Hey look! Dead guy,"said Spectre, poking the dead soldier with his shoe.

"Don't harass dead people!"Bertha scolded. Somehow, Lupo and Beltway disappeared.

"Destroy the files."

"WHO SAID THAT?"shouted Spectre.

"Spectre, it's the USS capt- I mean Mr British Voice. Destroy the files."

"What are files?"asked Four Eyes, raising a hand.

"Those square white things that blink."

"OOOH."she then tried to shoot the files so they would be destroyed and no longer exist.

"Hey Vector, its not working."

"Let me try."He opened fire on the files, nothing happening.

"Spectre! You have to do it! You're player one!"

"Oh. Okay."

Spectre began knifing the blinking white boxes of doom. Again, nothing happened.

"Grenades! Try using grenades!"suggested Vector.

Spectre tossed a grenade in between two rows of the magical blinking boxes of doom.

"FIRE IN ZE HOLE!"shouted Bertha, tackling Spectre away from the live grenade. It exploded, and what a surprise, nothing happened.

"Day 0 of the 13th month; Bertha saved me from being killed by a grenade."

"Spectre! What did I tell you about writing that stupid diary?"

"That you didn't want to be compared to the Vampire Diaries!"

"Exactly. So, if you write in that book again, I will toss it off of a cliff. Got it?"

"...Yes Master Bertha."

"DON"T CALL ME MASTER BERTHA!"

Bertha randomly got out a baseball bat and hit Spectre in the face with it repeatedly. He whined, but he was bleeding, so it was kind of acceptable to whine. He shot the files and they began to skip to the door, but it was locked.

"WHAT? It's LOCKED?"screamed Four Eyes. Soon, Nicholai's presumably dead teammates began coming back to life as hideous zombies.

"MAAAEEEEH,"one said, which is zombie for 'MAAAEEEEH.'

One zombie got it's head stomped by Four Eyes, another one was running around in his underwear since another zombie pantsed him earlier. That zombie got knifed by Bertha and Vector at the same time, so they began fighting over who killed it.

"I did!"

"No, I did! I'm the leader, so I get to take all the credit for killing the zombie!"snapped Vector.

After the two engaged in a very entertaining debate, the final Nicholai's teammate zombie gave Bertha a hug.

"Hey! Loser!"

The zombie looked back at Spectre.

"Eh?"

"Hands off mah girl!"

Spectre tackled both Bertha and the zombie, giving the zombie a concussion.

"Hey man, that hurt!"it said.

"DIE NOW."

Spectre put a knife through its chest and pulled out a random handgun. He used said handgun to shoot the zombie in the head repeatedly. The zombie finally died, and a random message box appeared at the top of the screen like in Zoo Tycoon.

"Nicholai's Teammate 3 has died of a gunshot wound,"it announced.

"Kill it with fire!"Four Eyes shouted, throwing an incendiary grenade into the room as they left, locking the door and the message box inside of the room.

"Now go destroy the plans in the other file room,"said Mr British Voice.

"WHO SAID THA-?"Spectre began to ask, but he was cut off by this next sentence...

"For the last time Spectre, it is Mr British Voice. I'm not going to tell you that again."

"Okay. Wait who are you?"

Everbody on his team facepalmed while they walked along to the other room.

"Here I go again on my own! Goin' down the only road I've ever known!"sang Four Eyes.

'Don't do that,"said Vector.

"Whatever, I don't have to listen to you! You were arguing with Bertha instead of me back there!"

"You get so jealous!"

"You think I'm UGLY?"

"What? No, why would you think that?"

(Another Jade and Beck reference)

The team found their way to this very suspicious looking room full of very flammable looking furniture and not at all obvious trip wires that would blow you up if you even barely touch them. Not dangerous at all.

A WILD NICHOLAI APPEARS

"You Umbrella dorks will never get my Reese's!"

"We don't want ya stinkin' Reese's!"Four Eyes snapped, suddenly developing a New York accent.

"You're Umbrella too, aren't you?"

"Umbrella soldier, I am not,"Nicholai said, turning into Yoda.

"SNOT COLORED GOBLIN!"shouted Spectre, throwing the team's last Antiviral spray at him.

"Dang it Spectre, that was our last one! If you get infected, Bertha has permission to kill you in a horrible, gory, violent way that when we revive you will scar you FOREVERRRRR!"informed Four Eyes.

"OK, yeah, whatever Pinkie Pie, I am a super spy. Super spies don't get infected so easily."

Then, lickers came out of the walls.

"ERMAHGERD, LERKERS!"exclaimed Lupo, who again appeared out of nowhere.

"You came from out of-!"Four Eyes began to sing that same song, but the licker next to her stabbed her in the throat with it's tongue.

"That's it my pets, destroy the cast of Dora the Explorer!"shouted Nicholai.

"But, we aren't the cast of Dora,"informed Bertha.

"We should cosplay as them! Dora is my most favoritest show ever!"Spectre chimed in.

"Oh,"said Nicholai as Bertha punched Spectre in the face. "Well, then the lickers can kill you guys instead. Off to my optometrist appointment!"

"Well, obviously you need to go there more often if you think that we are the cast of Dora."

"Bye."

Nicholai left and his licker pets began attacking Wolfpack.

"Hey, these things really ARE his pets,"informed Vector.

"Yea, that one has a collar that says 'Fifi.' and that one says 'Fido' is its name."

"I bet we could kill it with fire!"suggested Spectre

"Your suggestions are stupid!"said Beltway, who we all know appeared out of nowhere.

"DO NOT SING!"snapped Vector before Four Eyes could sing that song again.

Four Eyes got the 'okay' rage comic face and didn't sing.

"Why not?"

Since Lupo had disappeared, Four Eyes was not told to not say why.

"Well, there is a sign right over there that says 'No Singing' and that seems like a good reason to me."

Four Eyes pouted. Vector went derping along to the door across the room, after finding his way through the maze that the furniture created.

"Hey guys, we can't leave."

"Well wha evah nawt?"asked Four Eyes, developing a stupid southern belle accent.

"Because we need some thing called the Black Key Card."

"Oh I saw that thing!"exclaimed Four Eyes.

"Me too!"shouted Beltway.

"I did!"

"It's over there next to all those not at all obvious trip wire bomb things!"squee'd Bertha.

"Whuuuuuut?"asked Spectre, which is Spectre-nese for "What?"

"Black Key Card!"

Everyone but Spectre went skipping over to the trip wires and card.

(Oh, and if you guys are wondering what the lickers are doing, they went to Sonic after they realized these guys are idiots.)

Everyone began running into the trip wires and dying, so Spectre got out his HQ phone and began recording it all. Even Four Eyes, the genius, and Bertha, Little Miss Tough Pants With a Soft Spot for Spectre. Anyway, they suddenly made a realization that only player one can pick up the card.

"Hey Spectre!"shouted Lupo from the floor. "You have to do it!"

"Oh."

Spectre picked up the card and they proceeded on.

"What is this I don't even..."began Lupo.

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever even heard of,"Bertha sighed as they made their way out.

"What, that on My Little Pony Friendship is Magic they're trying to pair Applejack's brother with the teacher?"asked Vector, who was watching said show on his HQ phone.

"..."Everybody, including Spectre, looked at Vector with annoyed expressions visible through their gas masks.

"Yeah, everypony knows that it is SOOO him and Fluttershy!"

"COME ON,"Four Eyes sighed, dragging him by his 'I AM A PROUD BRONY' t-shirt.

"Yeah, plus we were just talking about how this exiting the town hall thing is really overrated,"Bertha said.

"Omg Vector, so unprofessional! OOH CANDEHZ!"Spectre shouted, diving into the 25 cent candy machine by the door.

"Yeah, like you're so much better,"Four Eyes said sarcastically.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

Four Eyes and Spectre began beating each other up.

"YOU IDIOTS!"shouted Mr British Voice. "Just seriously move along! Your next mission is at the hospital. DON"T DIE ON THE WAY THERE."

The team looked up from their fight at the imaginary camera, breaking the imaginary fourth wall.

"I hope we aren't paying these so called professionals too much.."he mumbled.

"I hope the hospital isn't full of sharp objects,"Spectre said, scrambling away from Four Eyes.

Somewhere, wherever that British voice guy was, he facepalmed.

A/N: This story DID have Nicholai and Reese's, I told you it would! SO yeah, I made Vector a brony just because. I haven't played this game in a while, I've been obsessed with getting ALL the trophies in Resi 5 and trying to beat the incredibly hard resi 4. I mentioned Jade and Beck again just because. I swear Hunk and that singing eyeball will return, even if it's a small and dumb cameo. I make Lupo and Beltway randomly appear and disappear because I don't ever have them on my team together, and the team is really only supposed to have 4 people, but I like writing them in. Was it the last chapter where I called Lupo the strangler? Well, that was because I told my sister that Lupo killed her husband while that episode of Spongebob was on(keep in mind I said "With her bare hands") so she called Lupo the strangler and thus it was born. I'm also sorry I lied about updating faster. We didn't have internet for a while, so I was busy playing Resi 5. Chris x Sheva, Jill x Irving, Excella x Wesker, and Leon x Claire are my favorite pairings right now. Sorry ORC pairings, I'm obsessed with others now. Ciao fans~


	5. Chapter 5

"Security cameras!"chirped Spectre and Four Eyes. After their 'horrible' fight back at the town hall, which everybody else had also been involved in, they finally found the hospital.

"Who wants to shoot it and earn 50 xp?"Lupo asked tauntingly.

"Obviously me!"Spectre and Four Eyes shouted simultaneously. They eyed each other evilly and lunged.

"NO!"Snapped Bertha. "Oh, I swear to ya, I'll beat the crap outta ya, Spectre I hope you die, I I I I!"(Bertha was parodying that annoying song Drive By by Train.)

"Bertha, you don't really hope that. You love him!"Four Eyes cooed sarcastically.

"Shut up! At least I'm not constantly in an argument with him!"

"Oh, but at least Four Eyes doesn't attempt to stomp my face into the floor like you do!"Vector stated.

"Agh, shut it you no name freak! You two think you're so cool because you're a Japanese couple! I just think that's..."

"Don't say it,"warned Lupo.

"That's..."

"NO!"

"That's..."

"Bertha, stop!"

"RACIST!"she exploded, quite literally actually. Spectre looked at her blown-to-bits body.

"Bertha! I must save you!"

"Dude,"laughed Beltway. "Just hold down the X to revive her!"

So, Spectre held down X until the green bar was completely filled.

"Looks like I'll have to keep a closer eye on you,"he said, winking under his mask.

"I think Bertha would appreciate it more if you DIDN'T,"Four Eyes commented.

"Yes, finally one of these freakish nutcases agrees with me!"Bertha sighed.

"Wha thank ya,"Four Eyes said in the Southern drawl voice. "Wait...HEY!"

"No, that's a good thing, to be crazy. Gives you much more motivation."

"Ah."

"Hey guys,"Lupo whispered. "I have a very, very good suggestion."

She leaned into the huddle her team created, right between Beltway and Four Eyes.

"How about we...GET A MOVE ON?!"

"Oh, okay..."they all whined about their orders as usual.

The team moved on to the door at the end of the hall, between elevators. A poster with a heart that said 'Have a heart, give some blood!' on it and one with a creepy raccoon doctor on it that said 'Doc Rock wants you to get a check up!' Were the team's latest little distractions.

"You can't have MY blood!"snarled Vector, hugging a jar full of it. "I'm saving my plasma to sell to the people who make fancy tv's!"(reference; Raising Hope)

Four Eyes facepalmed. "That isn't the same kind of plasma, Vector..."

"Isn't it quite impossible to live without a heart?"asked Lupo.

"I dunno..."Beltway began. "Bertha seems pretty alive to me..."

Bertha charged at Beltway brandishing a butcher knife.

"GAAAAAAAGH! I'LL KILL YOU!"

It took Lupo, Vector, Four Eyes and Spectre all at once to pry the angry German off of Beltway.

"No, Bertha! Bad!" Lupo scolded, spraying her in the face with a squirt bottle.

"Doc Rock! My mortal enemy! I'll never surrender to you, you horrible little creepy raccoon of doom! Stupid, kid-attacking pe-!"

"Don't say it, and I'll give you some more nutella,"Bertha whispered. "Don't say your big speech on that creepy cartoon coon and I will reward you."

Spectre made an X motion with his finger and held out a hand. Bertha met it with a spoonful of that Nutella he likes so much. He smiled and marched triumphantly to the next room. It was full of balloons and tables with cake on them. And blood caked on them.

"Hey, party!"cheered Spectre. "Let's go!"

"No, Spectre! Those might explode or something! And look, old dead zombies!"pointed out Vector.

"Aw, it's a retirement party,"whined Spectre.

"Hello, USS Delta team!"said a familiar Russian voice. "You've played right into my trap!"

"Ugh, Nicholai! We told you we don't want your stupid reese's, so quit following us around!"Bertha screamed.

"You ALL want my reese's, because they're not actually reese's!"He shouted, pulling out the candy. "They're bombs!"

"Why would you NOT want people to have them? It would be easy to detonate after they ate the bomb,"Spectre said, following Spectre Logic.

"Well, that is kind of a good idea...BUT I LIED! THEY AREN'T BOMBS, THEY'RE ACTUALLY REALLY REAL REESE'S!"

The entire wolfpack rolled their eyes.

"Ok, so can we move on? Blah blah blah they're not bombs, blah blah blah Nicholai's a dummy, and blah blah blah you need glasses. Can we move on, please?"asked Four Eyes.

"I have somewhere to be, too,"announced Beltway.

"Really? Where?"asked Lupo, interrogating his face. "Seeing other people? Or are you going to the frozen yogurt place we got thrown out of?"

"Neither. One, I have no life outside of USS. Two, YOU got banned from the fro yo place, not me, Lupo."

"Then where are you going?!"

"My niece's quinceanera! I have to be there by noon!"

"Why would your niece be having a party in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?"Questioned Four Eyes.

"Yeah, and why was I not invited?"Lupo growled.

"LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE AT. A PARTY. Plus, we threw a party a couple levels back. And Lupo, you've never even met my niece in your entire life."

"So? I still like to party."

"Can we move on?"asked Bertha. "Nicholai left us trapped in a room full of retired zombies!"

Zombies in hideous seventies looking clothes began standing up off the ground. Everyone but Lupo began shooting at the zombies.

"Why are our weapons not doing anything?!"screamed Bertha, falling dramatically into Spectre's arms.

"Lupo! You have to shoot them! You're player one!"

Lupo, who had been engaged in an intense session of Doodle Jump on her HQ phone, looked up as the doodle thing fell to its death.

"Why do I have to be player one? Oh, and Vector, in case you have forgotten...I AM WOLFPACK'S ONE AND ONLY LEADER."

"Lol these zombies dress like Ricardo Irving,"Spectre said, amused.

"Shut up, Spectre! Ricardo Irving doesn't even exist in the Resident Evil universe until Resident Evil 5!"Bertha educated him.

"But, our game was released four years after Resident Evil 5."

"Follow Capcom logic, Spectre! Operation Raccoon City is taking place in 1998! Resident Evil 5 will take place in 2009!"

"But, our game came out in 2012..."

"Shut up and kill zombies! Oh, and learn your Capcom logic, bub!"

Lupo finally carelessly tossed a grenade into the sea of zombies, killing all of them. The door was magically unlocked after they were all dead.

"Oh, Capcom logic..."Lupo tutted.

The team reached a soda machine, which was busted open and contained grenades among the drinks. Obviously, nobody knew the difference at all.

"Oh, Mountain Dew!"cheered Beltway.

"Dr Pepper!"Spectre shouted.

"Oh, look, a flashbang grenade..."Four Eyes trailed off, hoping to see the two accidentally pick up a grenade.

"Hey Beltway, look! A new flavor of soda! It's called, '9-Bang Flash Grenade!'"

"And another one, called 'Incendiary Grenade!' We should try them! Must be some energy drinks if they're named after grenades!"

"Yup! Have you ever noticed how grenades actually do look like soda cans?"asked Spectre as the two 'opened the soda.'

"Nope, not until now."

"Cheers!"chirped Spectre as they clinked their so called sodas together, causing an explosion slash fire slash blinding flash. Their other teammates laughed at them as they glared angrily, annoyed looks visible through the masks.

"HAHAHAHA! You guys are such nimrods!"Four Eyes laughed, slinging an arm around Vector.

"Hey, you're not the 'Uber intelligent super scientist' you think you are, Miss I Dunno How to Open a Door!"Beltway retorted.

"We should really focus on the mission..."Lupo mentioned. So, unnaturally, her team actually listened to her. They actually followed Vector, because Bertha and Lupo were tending to the exploded Spectre and Beltway, and Four Eyes kept falling on the ground laughing like an idiot.

"Bertha suggests we go in that door!"Bertha pointed at a door which obviously had zombies behind it as you could hear them arguing.

"Batman could take down Superman any day!"one zombie shouted.

"No he couldn't! Batman doesn't even have any super powers!"another retorted.

"I say that Robin could take them both down at once!"a young, childish sounding zombie announced.

"Robin is a scrawny teenaged boy, there's no way that is even possible!"

Back with the Wolfpack, they were having arguments of their own.

"We can't go through that door!"Vector shouted.

"Whah evah nawt?"Four Eyes said in the fake accent again.

"Because there are trip wires in front of it!" .

"Just run into them, you are all the expendable ones,"Lupo said evilly laughing.

"If you die, I fix it!"Bertha said, wielding her first aid spray like a weapon.

"JUST SHOOT THE WIRES!"Beltway screamed, unloading his shotgun's ammunition on the bombs tied to the frame of the door.

"In five, four, three, two..."Four Eyes counted. Sure enough, just as she said, zombies busted through the door, continuing to argue about Robin.

"IT'S TIME FOR, iZOMBIE!"shouted the zombies.

"I hate web shows that aren't funny,"Lupo snarled, stabbing every zombie in the chest and leaving behind a z shaped carving.

"Icarly is the bomb!"Vector shouted angrily.

"Lupo, why did you carve a z into the zombie carcasses?"Four Eyes wondered.

"Yeah, zombie doesn't even start with a z!"Spectre said in a bratty little kid voice.

"Yes it does!"

"Lupo is now zorro!"Lupo announced, the short knife in her hand magically becoming a sword.

"...No, just no. Come on you stupid baka,"Vector said.

Lupo got a twitch in her left eye. "Excuse me, what did you just call me?"

"A baka. B-a-k-a, baka! It means idiot!"

"Nobody calls wolf mother an idiot in other languages!"

"So we can call you an idiot in English?"asked Beltway, entering troll mode and getting the trollface.

"You can't EVER call me an idiot! Not in any language! Not even in French!"

"We could always randomly throw it into conversation like this; DUMMKOPF!"Bertha shouted the last part.

"That one, I understood. Prepare to die!"

Lupo lunged at Bertha, while the rest of the team(Besides Spectre, who was keeping calm and eating nutella) fought off the last of the zombies. Finally all of them dropped dead, and the team found their way to a door.

"How do you open this thing?!"Four Eyes shrieked.

"OH NO. Not this, anything but this. Somebody open the door before Christine has an aneurism!"Beltway said, trying to yank open the door.

"It's locked!"

"Says we need a black key card,"Bertha informed.

"Oh, I still have the one from last time!"Vector announced loudly. "Wait, where is it?"

Everyone immediately turned to Spectre, who had his mask off and was picking his teeth with it, ruining it.

"Spectre! We needed that, baka!"

"Lupo said no more calling people idiots in other languages,"Spectre shot back.

"NO, she said no one could call HER an idiot in any language."

"Oh. Well, then, HEY!"

Just before yet another fight was about to happen, the team heard the sounds of lickers from the opposite side of the door.

"Hey, I thought they went to Sonic!"Four Eyes exclaimed, outraged that they were back. Nobody silences her singing but Vector! And sometimes Lupo!

"WE DID,"they called from behind. "Don't come in!"

"Oh we are coming in!"Four Eyes shouted, charging at the door.

"That won't work. We need the key,"Spectre said quietly, for once.

"Let's go all Mythbusters on it and BLOW IT UP!"Beltway suggested loudly.

"YEAH!"everyone but Spectre and Bertha agreed, tying a grenade to the door.

"WHAT PART OF DON'T COME IN DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!"the lickers said angrily.

Obviously, the grenade DID NOT work. Beltway sighed defeatedly.

"We need the black key card!"Spectre screamed, flailing his arms around like floppy noodles.

"FINE! Okay, Four Eyes, Vector, and Beltway with me, Bertha and Spectre go by yourself,"Lupo commanded.

"Two questions, why do we have to go alone, and what are we doing?"asked Spectre.

"Nobody actually wants to go with you, and Bertha's the only one who can tolerate you. OH, and we're looking for that black key whatzit you were talking about."

The team that Lupo lead, which she named "Cell of Awesome" Went left from the door, while Spectre and Bertha went right. (Note; Spectre is now 'Player one')

Spectre wandered aimlessly in one direction (Cue Four Eyes to sing "What Makes You Beautiful") and Bertha stood outside a closet door. Spectre ran into the "Cell of Awesome" a couple of times and saw that they were running into something themselves; a wall. Finally, he returned to Bertha, who was now inside the closet right next to a box with a biohazard symbol on it and a strange glowing beacon of light.

"Bertha! Why are you just standing there? DO SOMETHING!"

Bertha didn't say a thing, she just kind of sat there like a lump.

"Bertha I can't find the thingeh! The black card whatzit!"

Bertha continued to sit there.

"HEY BERTHA! Help me find it!"

Eventually Bertha got annoyed and shoved his face into the box.

"You're supposed to be able to 'see everything' and be our team's surveillance, yet you can't find this GLOWING black card? It's right there!"

Spectre recoiled, making a shocked sound. "You knew where the card was the entire time? For Shame Bertha! For Shame!"

Bertha sighed as Spectre retrieved the card and they met up with the cell of awesome at the door with the lickers inside it.

"Hey Fido! We're coming IIIINNNNN, Like you said not TOOOOOOO~!"cheered Vector.

Fido the licker screeched. "RETREAT!"

Lupo and Vector kicked open the door and there were no lickers to be found.

"Aw, the party's over?"Whined Beltway.

"Hollywood-!"began Four Eyes, about to sing Papa Roach, but Lupo slapped a hand over her mouth before she could sing at all. Four Eyes fought back and continued, as she was only muffled by Lupo and was still singing.

"Passed out on the floor! Can't take it no more, I'm sorry but the party's over!"

Everyone sighed and went into the next room. There were many zombies with those stupid looking bombs on their heads running into walls and not really paying attention to anybody but Vector, which is ironic because he was invisible at the moment.

"These zombies are STOOPID,"Said Spectre. (A reference to some random cartoon where this guy says that walrus is stupid)

"USS Delta!"shouted Mr British Voice, which is what Spectre codenamed command's captain or whatever he is. "Go to the helicopter on the roof! Now!"

Everybody tried not to laugh by biting their lips and snickering. Finally, since somebody had to say it, Bertha screamed, "GET TO DA CHOPPA!"

Everyone busted out laughing and did what they were told. Wherever Mr British Voice was, he was rolling his eyes at that.

"Just go."

"AHAAHAHAHAHA, ha, oh, hehe, copy that,"Lupo said.

"Aheh, roger,"Bertha stopped laughing.

"Affirm-matiive,"Vector tried to pronounce it without laughing, but obviously failed.

Everyone went up the stairs, running into EVERY. SIGLE. TRIP WIRE. THERE. Finally they just charged onto the roof like a bunch of idiots, where red doom zombies were.

"ERMAHGERD! RED DOOM ZOMBIES!"shouted Vector and Spectre, running face-first into each other.

"Kill them instead of being stupid!"Lupo ordered. Being the only one besides Bertha who was actually attempting to kill the zombies was going to end in everybody dying.

Eventually the red doom zombies went to go attack Spectre and Vector. Vector got away, but only after jumping into Four Eyes' arms like a little kid. If you're wondering where she and Beltway were, they were arguing over toilet seat covers. Spectre got mauled by the zombies and passed out on the ground. Bertha came and shoved the can of first aid spray in his face and sprayed.

"Hold still, I fix it!"

"It's a little too late for that,"Lupo informed. "Just revive him."

Bertha sighed and revived Spectre. He got out the love story diary AGAIN.

"Dear love story diary,

Today Bertha gave me more nutella and revived me from being dead. The end."

Bertha took the diary and dropped it off the building's roof.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh quit your whining. We'll probably find it again eventually."

Meanwhile, at a coffee shop!

Claire and Leon were just sitting at an outdoor table, taking advantage of their free wifi, when a little book dropped out of nowhere.

"Hey, look! A pink girly book! I bet its some girl's diary!"Leon said.

"Let's open it and read it!"suggested Claire.

"Wait, who's is it? Sherry is this your diary?"asked Leon.

Sherry shook her head. "Nope."

"Oh, lets read it!"

They opened the front page, only to find out this was Spectre's love story diary.

"It's some guy named Spectre's,"Leon informed. "He works for Umbrella."

"We should hold this as evidence and use it against him!"

"YEAH!"

Back on the roof, Spectre was whining about the loss of his love story diary.

"No time for being a baby! Get on that helicopter landing spot!"Lupo ordered, pointing at the place. The team scrambled up the ramp, flailing their limbs like idiots.

Meanwhile, their helicopter flew about, doing fun tricks and such. Nicholai was waiting on a roof with his sniper rifle, loaded with Reese's Puffs rounds of ammo. He blinked his weirdo scarred eye and fired perfectly at the windshield of the choppa.

"Hey look! A reese's puff!"cheered the guy In the helicopter. He ate it. While he did, Nicholai shot another one down his throat and he died, making the helicopter crash. He set off more reese's bombs in the city, blowing everything up and setting everything on fire. He walked away in slow motion, looking like he was cool, and began rapping very horribly.

"Oh, yeah! My name is Nicholai, I used a piece of cereal to make a person die! I set Raccoon City on fire to try and kill those Umbrella dweebs, I just drank a cup of lemonade and now I have to pee!"

A/N: Isn't this the longest chapter yet? It took me a forever to finish. Yes I said A forever. This chapter is In honor of my friends on Tumblr, who roleplay as Spectre and Bertha. I'm roleplaying as my oc, Mariana Reeves, so check it out on Tumblr! It's the one called marianareeves and its full name is Mariana Reeves (Snow White) (Winter). Also on dA (Which I just realized sounds like Dee-Ay XD) I uploaded a picture of her. It's called "A Quick Drawing of Mariana Reeves" by xXStarryNights17Xx on dA. I put my name here in case you need to contact me. One of my friends on Tumblr had to contact me via dA and actually had to GOOGLE my name! Apparently there is more than one SN17? Who knew? I don't think the next chapter will be this long, but if it is, oh well. See you later bran flakes!

~Starry


End file.
